Scott Adams, the cartoonist who created Dilbert, likes to say that there are only nine news stories, constantly re-written.
Every once in awhile I like to check the newspaper with his list in mind, to see if he is right. I'll start with his wording unmodified by examples.
1. EXTREME WEATHER BATTERS SOMEPLACE
2. IDIOTS KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE
3. POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING ILLEGAL
4. PRIMATE ATTEMPTS INAPPROPRIATE SEX
5. EXPERTS WARN OF FINANCIAL CALAMITY
6. BIG COMPANY BUYS ANOTHER BIG COMPANY
7. FAMOUS PERSON DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING
8. A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY MIGHT BE USEFUL IN TEN YEARS
9. GOVERNMENT FAILS TO ACHIEVE A GOAL
Does that break-down hold up for the news of the past week or so?
1. Extreme weather? Check.
2. I'm sure somebody's idiocy (or worse) will be found at the center of the fire that killed students at Marist College, my alma mater, this week.
3. A politician (specifically, a state legislator) is on trial in Harrisburg, PA for insisting that his egislative employees work on his campaigns on their taxpayer-paid time.
4. Primate attempts inappropriate sex? Perhaps such monkey business explains the need for newer tests for simian HIV, herpes, etc., chronicled here.
5. Experts warn of financial calamity. South Africa considers a carbon tax as its contribution to limiting global warming. Industries there ... warn of calamity.
6. Big Company Buys Another Big Company. Apache and Cordillera Energy Partners.
7. Famous Person, i.e. assassination-attempt survivor Gabrielle Giffords, does something interesting, i.e. she resigns her seat in the US House, in a moving video message.
8. The scientific discovery that might be useful in ten years? Sediments found at bottom of ocean near Straits of Gibraltar could help guide "future oil and gas exploration, the researchers believe."
9. Government fails to achieve a goal. Too easy, but let's go there. There have been recent reports that the various recipients of the US space program's moon rocks, mostly museums and labs with good connections, have been losing them. Can't governments even achieve the goal of storing rocks properly?
Yes, I think Scott Adams has a point. We're in a loop!
Showing posts with label Scott Adams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Scott Adams. Show all posts
29 January 2012
23 April 2011
Not Scott Adams!!!
I'm a huge fan, But this news rather dismayed me.
Scott Adams is the wonderfully talented creator of "Dilbert." I am a fan not only of that strip but of some of Adams' other writings, as I've established on this blog by regularly employing his list of "tomorrow's headlines."
That has no very close connection to this ... Adams has described evolution as an established fact. But he has also said he expects the notion of "time" will be radically re-formulated in our lifetimes, and that the overthrow of any theory about biological evolution will be one consequence of that. This gives him an interestingly bifurcated view of the subject.
Who cares what a cartoonist thinks about evolution, or for that matter about the physics of time? Well ... nobody much.
Anyway, the minor brou-ha-ha about Adams' sock puppetry came to my attention because I checked Felix Salmon's blog Monday morning and saw this.
So I've been thinking about Adams, and this has led me in turn to think some more about evolution.
Insert some clever joke about the evolution of sock puppets here.
Scott Adams is the wonderfully talented creator of "Dilbert." I am a fan not only of that strip but of some of Adams' other writings, as I've established on this blog by regularly employing his list of "tomorrow's headlines."
That has no very close connection to this ... Adams has described evolution as an established fact. But he has also said he expects the notion of "time" will be radically re-formulated in our lifetimes, and that the overthrow of any theory about biological evolution will be one consequence of that. This gives him an interestingly bifurcated view of the subject.
Who cares what a cartoonist thinks about evolution, or for that matter about the physics of time? Well ... nobody much.
Anyway, the minor brou-ha-ha about Adams' sock puppetry came to my attention because I checked Felix Salmon's blog Monday morning and saw this.
So I've been thinking about Adams, and this has led me in turn to think some more about evolution.
Insert some clever joke about the evolution of sock puppets here.
30 January 2011
Annual Dilbert Post
Scott Adams, the cartoonist who created Dilbert, likes to say that there are only nine news stories, constantly re-written.
Every once in awhile I like to check the newspaper with his list in mind, to see if he is right. I'll start with his wording unmodified by examples.
1. EXTREME WEATHER BATTERS SOMEPLACE
2. IDIOTS KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE
3. POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING ILLEGAL
4. PRIMATE ATTEMPTS INAPPROPRIATE SEX
5. EXPERTS WARN OF FINANCIAL CALAMITY
6. BIG COMPANY BUYS ANOTHER BIG COMPANY
7. FAMOUS PERSON DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING
8. A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY MIGHT BE USEFUL IN TEN YEARS
9. GOVERNMENT FAILS TO ACHIEVE A GOAL
Does that break-down hold up for the news of the past week or so?
1. The extreme weather story. One word: Australia.
2. Idiots kill innocent people. Always too easy. I won't even include a link. Check your local paper this morning.
3. Politician does something illegal. For this one, I've got a cool link, and it brings us in imagination to sunny Italy!
4. Primate attempts inappropriate sex. A porn-film operation under the primatological name "Cheeky Monkey Inc." seems to have made inappropriate use of a food vending truck.
5. Experts warn of financial calamity. And the municipal bond market is the target of many of the latest warnings.
6. Big Company Buys Another Big Company. These mergers often take on a trans-national cast. That's nothing new. But when the industry that is consolidating is defense consulting, it's still news.
7. Famous Person Does Something Interesting. Ah, the celebrity news category! Ricky Gervais seems to have touched a few Hollywood nerves.
8. The scientific discovery that might be useful in ten years? That CERN thing -- wasn't it supposed to have found that all-important Higgs boson by now? How long will it remain elusive before particle physicists wonder (a) whether it exists and (b) if it doesn't, how to patch up their theories?
9. Government fails to achieve a goal. The governments of Europe have experimented in recent years with the creation of a unified currency zone. That experiment may be crashing to an end. Symptoms of the crash are in all the papers.
Yes, I think Scott Adams has a point.
Every once in awhile I like to check the newspaper with his list in mind, to see if he is right. I'll start with his wording unmodified by examples.
1. EXTREME WEATHER BATTERS SOMEPLACE
2. IDIOTS KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE
3. POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING ILLEGAL
4. PRIMATE ATTEMPTS INAPPROPRIATE SEX
5. EXPERTS WARN OF FINANCIAL CALAMITY
6. BIG COMPANY BUYS ANOTHER BIG COMPANY
7. FAMOUS PERSON DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING
8. A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY MIGHT BE USEFUL IN TEN YEARS
9. GOVERNMENT FAILS TO ACHIEVE A GOAL
Does that break-down hold up for the news of the past week or so?
1. The extreme weather story. One word: Australia.
2. Idiots kill innocent people. Always too easy. I won't even include a link. Check your local paper this morning.
3. Politician does something illegal. For this one, I've got a cool link, and it brings us in imagination to sunny Italy!
4. Primate attempts inappropriate sex. A porn-film operation under the primatological name "Cheeky Monkey Inc." seems to have made inappropriate use of a food vending truck.
5. Experts warn of financial calamity. And the municipal bond market is the target of many of the latest warnings.
6. Big Company Buys Another Big Company. These mergers often take on a trans-national cast. That's nothing new. But when the industry that is consolidating is defense consulting, it's still news.
7. Famous Person Does Something Interesting. Ah, the celebrity news category! Ricky Gervais seems to have touched a few Hollywood nerves.
8. The scientific discovery that might be useful in ten years? That CERN thing -- wasn't it supposed to have found that all-important Higgs boson by now? How long will it remain elusive before particle physicists wonder (a) whether it exists and (b) if it doesn't, how to patch up their theories?
9. Government fails to achieve a goal. The governments of Europe have experimented in recent years with the creation of a unified currency zone. That experiment may be crashing to an end. Symptoms of the crash are in all the papers.
Yes, I think Scott Adams has a point.
30 January 2010
Annual Dilbert post
Scott Adams, the cartoonist who created Dilbert, likes to say that there are only nine news stories, constantly re-written.
Every once in awhile I like to check the newspaper with his list in mind, to see if he is right. I'll start with his wording unmodified by examples.
1. EXTREME WEATHER BATTERS SOMEPLACE
2. IDIOTS KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE
3. POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING ILLEGAL
4. PRIMATE ATTEMPTS INAPPROPRIATE SEX
5. EXPERTS WARN OF FINANCIAL CALAMITY
6. BIG COMPANY BUYS ANOTHER BIG COMPANY
7. FAMOUS PERSON DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING
8. A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY MIGHT BE USEFUL IN TEN YEARS
9. GOVERNMENT FAILS TO ACHIEVE A GOAL
Does that break-down hold up for the news of the past week or so?
1. The extreme weather story check.
2. Idiots kill innocent people? Always too easy.
But to give this category some variety, let us mention that such an idiot -- of the cult-member genre of idiocy -- has just been recommended for parole, after a long and well-deserved imprisonment.
3. Politician does something illegal.
Let's give a shout-out to the far East this time for this one.
4. Primate attempts inappropriate sex.
Scott Ritter is one of the primates in question, thereby he gets a recycling of those fifteen minutes of fame he must have thought had passed already.
5. Experts warn of financial calamity.
Weimare-Republic or Zimbabwe-style Hyperinflation is the subject of some of the more recent warnings with some spinning a theory that a bad case of same will breakout in Japan and spread to the US.
6. Big Company Buys Another Big Company
Even those who never visit the business section of the paper know that Kraft has reached agreement with an at-first coy Cadbury, and that not everyone is happy about this.
7. Famous Person Does Something Interesting.
J.D. Salinger has passed away, which is not "interesting" as a fresh disclosure of the fact of human mortality, but is of some interest as the possible signal for the release of writings that the famously reclusive Salinger may have been socking away in a safe over the last few decades.
8. A scientific discovery might be useful in ten years.
Here's the latest gee-whiz stuff about controlled fusion research.
9. Government fails to achieve a goal.
Like the goal of ... oh ... capturing Bin Laden? could that be an example of an unachieved goal?
Yes, Scott, I see your point.
Every once in awhile I like to check the newspaper with his list in mind, to see if he is right. I'll start with his wording unmodified by examples.
1. EXTREME WEATHER BATTERS SOMEPLACE
2. IDIOTS KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE
3. POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING ILLEGAL
4. PRIMATE ATTEMPTS INAPPROPRIATE SEX
5. EXPERTS WARN OF FINANCIAL CALAMITY
6. BIG COMPANY BUYS ANOTHER BIG COMPANY
7. FAMOUS PERSON DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING
8. A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY MIGHT BE USEFUL IN TEN YEARS
9. GOVERNMENT FAILS TO ACHIEVE A GOAL
Does that break-down hold up for the news of the past week or so?
1. The extreme weather story check.
2. Idiots kill innocent people? Always too easy.
But to give this category some variety, let us mention that such an idiot -- of the cult-member genre of idiocy -- has just been recommended for parole, after a long and well-deserved imprisonment.
3. Politician does something illegal.
Let's give a shout-out to the far East this time for this one.
4. Primate attempts inappropriate sex.
Scott Ritter is one of the primates in question, thereby he gets a recycling of those fifteen minutes of fame he must have thought had passed already.
5. Experts warn of financial calamity.
Weimare-Republic or Zimbabwe-style Hyperinflation is the subject of some of the more recent warnings with some spinning a theory that a bad case of same will breakout in Japan and spread to the US.
6. Big Company Buys Another Big Company
Even those who never visit the business section of the paper know that Kraft has reached agreement with an at-first coy Cadbury, and that not everyone is happy about this.
7. Famous Person Does Something Interesting.
J.D. Salinger has passed away, which is not "interesting" as a fresh disclosure of the fact of human mortality, but is of some interest as the possible signal for the release of writings that the famously reclusive Salinger may have been socking away in a safe over the last few decades.
8. A scientific discovery might be useful in ten years.
Here's the latest gee-whiz stuff about controlled fusion research.
9. Government fails to achieve a goal.
Like the goal of ... oh ... capturing Bin Laden? could that be an example of an unachieved goal?
Yes, Scott, I see your point.
28 August 2009
A random link farm
Seven thoughts and a link for each.
1. Want a peak into the lifestyles of the young, unemployed, and entitled in NYC?
2. Scott Adams, the genius behind Dilbert, discusses some of the concepts with one metaphorical foot in the grave.
3. A classic prose poem on the life of Napoleon Bonaparte, here because its my blog and I want to put it here.
4. An old ad (not TOO old) from a bank in Iceland that felt rather good about itself, until the house of cards collapsed Kaupthinking. Try to avoid it.
5. The Onion covers that ominous music everywhere. The FEMA bit is funniest, IMHO.
6. A bibliography on anarcho-capitalism, because I know you've been begging for it.
7. If you're old enough to remember the heyday of Space Invaders, play at your desk.
1. Want a peak into the lifestyles of the young, unemployed, and entitled in NYC?
2. Scott Adams, the genius behind Dilbert, discusses some of the concepts with one metaphorical foot in the grave.
3. A classic prose poem on the life of Napoleon Bonaparte, here because its my blog and I want to put it here.
4. An old ad (not TOO old) from a bank in Iceland that felt rather good about itself, until the house of cards collapsed Kaupthinking. Try to avoid it.
5. The Onion covers that ominous music everywhere. The FEMA bit is funniest, IMHO.
6. A bibliography on anarcho-capitalism, because I know you've been begging for it.
7. If you're old enough to remember the heyday of Space Invaders, play at your desk.
30 January 2009
The nine stories
Scott Adams, the cartoonist who created Dilbert, likes to say that there are only nine news stories, constantly re-written.
Every once in awhile I like to check the newspaper with his list in mind, to see if he is right. I'll start withhis wording unmodified by examples.
1. EXTREME WEATHER BATTERS SOMEPLACE
2. IDIOTS KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE
3. POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING ILLEGAL
4. PRIMATE ATTEMPTS INAPPROPRIATE SEX
5. EXPERTS WARN OF FINANCIAL CALAMITY
6. BIG COMPANY BUYS ANOTHER BIG COMPANY
7. FAMOUS PERSON DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING
8. A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY MIGHT BE USEFUL IN TEN YEARS
9. GOVERNMENT FAILS TO ACHIEVE A GOAL
---
This week, selecting nine actual headlines to fill this template is almost too easy.
1. Winter storms have covered (or "battered") most of the eastern US, the President has joked about his daughters' school closing, his family's Chicago toughness, etc.
2. Idiots kill the innocent? ALWAYS too easy. Phil Spector is the idiot in question this time, his (second) murder trial in the death of Lana Clarkson is underway. Then there is Casey Anthony, the darling mother of Caylee, who is still apparently blaming Caylee's disappearance on a mystery babysitter.
3. Political corruption? The Illinois Senate just voted to remove that state's Governor from office for trying to sell a seat in the US Senate, apparently to the highest bidder.
4. Inappropriate sex? Ted Haggard is back in the news all of a sudden.
5. Financial calamity? Since calamities continue to unfold around us, no one needs to "warn" us about them. But the grave experts gather in Switzerland this week, the annual Davos conference, again to confer, converse, and hobnob like wizards.
6. Even in the present credit-starved climate, some big companies are still busily engaged buying other big companies, so there is this headline with Pfizer buying Wyeth.
7. The seventh headline is the excuse for the mandatory specimen of celebrity news.
8. Scientific discoveries of dubious practical significance are always fun -- we may take as example a story about a new (purely theoretical) design for a nuclear reactor that would combine fusion with fission somewhere someday.
9. Government "fails to achieve a goal"? Heck, according to today's newspapers you can't even rely on government as a tester of peanuts.
Every once in awhile I like to check the newspaper with his list in mind, to see if he is right. I'll start withhis wording unmodified by examples.
1. EXTREME WEATHER BATTERS SOMEPLACE
2. IDIOTS KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE
3. POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING ILLEGAL
4. PRIMATE ATTEMPTS INAPPROPRIATE SEX
5. EXPERTS WARN OF FINANCIAL CALAMITY
6. BIG COMPANY BUYS ANOTHER BIG COMPANY
7. FAMOUS PERSON DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING
8. A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY MIGHT BE USEFUL IN TEN YEARS
9. GOVERNMENT FAILS TO ACHIEVE A GOAL
---
This week, selecting nine actual headlines to fill this template is almost too easy.
1. Winter storms have covered (or "battered") most of the eastern US, the President has joked about his daughters' school closing, his family's Chicago toughness, etc.
2. Idiots kill the innocent? ALWAYS too easy. Phil Spector is the idiot in question this time, his (second) murder trial in the death of Lana Clarkson is underway. Then there is Casey Anthony, the darling mother of Caylee, who is still apparently blaming Caylee's disappearance on a mystery babysitter.
3. Political corruption? The Illinois Senate just voted to remove that state's Governor from office for trying to sell a seat in the US Senate, apparently to the highest bidder.
4. Inappropriate sex? Ted Haggard is back in the news all of a sudden.
5. Financial calamity? Since calamities continue to unfold around us, no one needs to "warn" us about them. But the grave experts gather in Switzerland this week, the annual Davos conference, again to confer, converse, and hobnob like wizards.
6. Even in the present credit-starved climate, some big companies are still busily engaged buying other big companies, so there is this headline with Pfizer buying Wyeth.
7. The seventh headline is the excuse for the mandatory specimen of celebrity news.
8. Scientific discoveries of dubious practical significance are always fun -- we may take as example a story about a new (purely theoretical) design for a nuclear reactor that would combine fusion with fission somewhere someday.
9. Government "fails to achieve a goal"? Heck, according to today's newspapers you can't even rely on government as a tester of peanuts.
30 August 2008
Only Nine Headlines
Scott Adams, the cartoonist who created Dilbert, likes to say that there are only nine news stories, constantly re-written.
Let's see if he's right. I'll give his wording of one of the template headlines, then look for the nearest and most recent equivalent.
1. EXTREME WEATHER BATTERS SOMEPLACE
This is too easy. Pick the Gustav headline of your choice or this one.
2. IDIOTS KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE
Always too easy. But this time, the idiocy in question is bizaare. "Ohio jury convicts Mom in microwaved baby case."
3. POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING ILLEGAL
It seems that a member of the city council in Seattle Washington was recently fined in connection with awarding a no-bid contract. Then he got in further trouble by trying to use CITY funds to pay HIS fine. An old story about a murderer/orphan pleading for mercy comes to mind.
4. PRIMATE ATTEMPTS INAPPROPRIATE SEX
The primate in question would be the X-Files star David Duchony, who has just checked himself into a clinic for sex addiction. Presumably there must have been some precipitating event, which somebody would have regarded as inappropriate, to bringh this about.
If you insist on a non-human primate, one wonders what that frozen "Bigfoot" in the news of late was really up to just before his unfortunate demise.
5. EXPERTS WARN OF FINANCIAL CALAMITY
Almost the exact wording of a story I encountered earlier this month.
"Experts Warn of Unrest over Food Prices."
6. BIG COMPANY BUYS ANOTHER BIG COMPANY
Innotek and Micron.
7. FAMOUS PERSON DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING
Its a good thing a did an idle google search to find a good fit for this template, or I would never have known of the existence of the following headline: "Demi squirts milk at lesbians." About a hot night out for famous person Demi Moore, while she was lactating. I don't think you want me to provide you with a link to that. Interesting, in a bizaare sort of way.
8. A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY MIGHT BE USEFUL IN TEN YEARS
Cows naturally point north. Sort of making each bovine a redneck GPS.
9. GOVERNMENT FAILS TO ACHIEVE A GOAL
Hence this: "Bid to break state budget impasse falls short" from California, shockingly.
Yes, Scott, maybe there are only nine headlines. Except that you left out the sports section.
10. "One Team Defeats Another."
Let's see if he's right. I'll give his wording of one of the template headlines, then look for the nearest and most recent equivalent.
1. EXTREME WEATHER BATTERS SOMEPLACE
This is too easy. Pick the Gustav headline of your choice or this one.
2. IDIOTS KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE
Always too easy. But this time, the idiocy in question is bizaare. "Ohio jury convicts Mom in microwaved baby case."
3. POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING ILLEGAL
It seems that a member of the city council in Seattle Washington was recently fined in connection with awarding a no-bid contract. Then he got in further trouble by trying to use CITY funds to pay HIS fine. An old story about a murderer/orphan pleading for mercy comes to mind.
4. PRIMATE ATTEMPTS INAPPROPRIATE SEX
The primate in question would be the X-Files star David Duchony, who has just checked himself into a clinic for sex addiction. Presumably there must have been some precipitating event, which somebody would have regarded as inappropriate, to bringh this about.
If you insist on a non-human primate, one wonders what that frozen "Bigfoot" in the news of late was really up to just before his unfortunate demise.
5. EXPERTS WARN OF FINANCIAL CALAMITY
Almost the exact wording of a story I encountered earlier this month.
"Experts Warn of Unrest over Food Prices."
6. BIG COMPANY BUYS ANOTHER BIG COMPANY
Innotek and Micron.
7. FAMOUS PERSON DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING
Its a good thing a did an idle google search to find a good fit for this template, or I would never have known of the existence of the following headline: "Demi squirts milk at lesbians." About a hot night out for famous person Demi Moore, while she was lactating. I don't think you want me to provide you with a link to that. Interesting, in a bizaare sort of way.
8. A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY MIGHT BE USEFUL IN TEN YEARS
Cows naturally point north. Sort of making each bovine a redneck GPS.
9. GOVERNMENT FAILS TO ACHIEVE A GOAL
Hence this: "Bid to break state budget impasse falls short" from California, shockingly.
Yes, Scott, maybe there are only nine headlines. Except that you left out the sports section.
10. "One Team Defeats Another."
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